Lovingkindess

Oh, break my heart
Break open, wide, and vast and unlimited
Break open, as memories
Of loved ones passed
Flood into and radiate
Deep shadows.
Oh, break my heart
Embrace the flash of Love.

On November 18, 2022, William Ronald Pfeffer, my late husband’s brother left this side of life. As I lit the candle on the Advent Wreath for the second Sunday of the season, I watched a kaleidoscope of memories of Ron shift into a pattern of quiet gentleness.

Ron clapped his hand on my shoulder as his brother, Jim, and I, stood in 1982 outside the office of the justice of the peace in Washtenaw County, Michigan. He was Jim’s best man, a witness to our marriage. “Are you nervous?” he asked. His wide smile was framed by a dark mustache. The butterflies in my stomach stopped dancing. Ron was a man of few words and BIG love. His support steadied me. “You make my brother happy,” he said.

The next day, at our wedding reception, in a comic moment that was a sneak peak into his playful side, Ron, the epitome of a classic gentleman, donned my wedding veil and danced with my sister.

A couple of years later, Ron leaned over our newborn daughter, Laura. “She’s beautiful,” he said. “Your life will never be the same in the best of ways.” He was right. He saw with his heart.

There’s no singular story that defines Ron for me. I see him in the cherished way his wife’s name was spoken from soft, adoring lips. I see him in the proud way his eyes danced when they lit on his children and grandchildren. I see him in the enjoyment of his body’s athleticism. I see him in these tiny things – glances, nods, moments of support, pride, and love. The sum of a life lived with tender dignity.

Our family has said good-bye to some of the best this year. Bill’s sister, Mary Pettit Hodorovitch. My niece’s husband, Loren Courts. My brother-in-law, Ron Pfeffer. There are rents in the fabric of our universe, places where the light of a thousand galaxies flood into and illuminate the human side of life, which we hold onto with fragile bearing.

We all hold such tears and portals in our hearts. The empty chairs at our holiday tables are poignant openings. The absence of our loved ones’ presence invites us to peer deep into the unique way they lit up the world as embodiments of a Divine Essence. To name. To touch. To savor.

Ron Pfeffer, for me, you are the forever and always an immeasurable gift in a tall frame. I call you lovingkindness.

© Linda Sandel Pettit, Ed.D., 2022
Photos by William Gunn

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Linda Sandel Pettit, Ed.D. inspires intuitive-creative women healers to use their healing modalities, speaking voices, and written words to unfold and share the wisdom of the Sacred Feminine. Her podcast, The Intuitive Way of Love, debuts December 8th.

Linda offers sanctuaries, intimate small-group programs, to women healers who want to bring spirituality into their work, and to women writers who are ready to share, get feedback, revise, and publish.

Through her Apprentice’s Way individual all-in-one mentorship program, Linda encourages her clients’ spiritual evolution, psychological health, effective writing, messaging, marketing, and content creation.

Visit www.lindasandelpettit.com to learn more about her programs and array of masterclasses and courses.